Accountability 2013

Tomorrow is the last day of February 2013.  I just happened to think I might need to go back to blogging about my weight loss since I've been on this journey FOREVER.  I'm down to the last 15 lbs and those are usually the hardest.  So here I am...again and I'm putting it all out there to give myself some accountability.  Here are a few answers to questions about has happened since my last post in October 2011.

I'm fluctuating between 119-117 which is in my "healthy" range but still not my goal weigh of 105.  I want to wear a bikini this summer and actually feel comfortable wearing shorts.

My health has scared the crap out of me twice in the last 3 months.  Seriously, I think I aged like 5 years during the process.  I've had a colonoscope that thankfully came back clean with a recommendation to have the next one at age 50.  Then within the same month my doctor found a lump in my right breast.  So I had a mammogram and and ultrasound both came back negative so we decided to just wait and follow-up in January.  I knew the lump was bigger before he even did the exam and confirmed it.  So we decided on a lumpectomy to get a tissue diagnosis.  Thank goodness the pathology report came back clean.  The surgeon declared that it was just a mass and that I need to keep up with my monthly breast exams and my yearly OB/GYN check-ups.  I'm completely on board with that and I've been telling all my friends and family to be sure they keep up with theirs too.  

My child is now 20 months old.  She's amazing and I still think becoming a mother is one of the best things that has and will ever happen to me.  I would like to do it again...soon. Hubby doesn't agree just yet so I'm just dropping hints (okay, they aren't exactly hints..more like vibrant neon signs) but he'll get on board eventually.  He LOVES being a Daddy.  

My New Year's resolution this year is to be nicer to myself.  Meaning that everyday I do SOMETHING for myself.  For example, last night after I put baby girl to bed I made myself ignore all the chores in my house so I could sit on the couch and relax for an hour.  Granted during that hour I played on my phone, read Facebook and Twitter, watched Big Bang Theory (my fave!), ate the last of my Girl Scout cookies (Samoas..yum) and drank a cup of milk.  Nutritionally...shame on me because that was a LOT of calories.  Stress relief...yay for sitting on the couch for an hour and relaxing because I really needed that time.  Gotta work on balance...high calorie snacks = no!, relaxing = yay!

The only "exercise" I'm making any time for right now is housework and chasing my toddler.  That's a goal for March.  I want to start running again because I miss it.  I have never been consistent with my running so my mileage and endurance suck but that's not why I run.  I run because it physically wears me out.  I run because I love to turn my music up really loud and push myself to do something that is uncomfortable and out of the scope of normal things I do during my day.  It also provides me the greatest amount of stress relief.  I really, really miss it.    

I'm still working full time and LOTS of overtime.  I've been in survival mode for weeks.  My menu planning consists of whatever recipes I can remember in the grocery store followed by our staples of pesto and pasta, grilled cheese and soup, baked meat and veggies..seriously I should be embarrassed.      

I am now completely obsessed with time management.  I even have a whole notebook completely dedicated to this task.  It has more chores list, menu planning, budget, bills, everything and I'm lost without it.    My daily goals are to cook dinner, clean up dinner, wash the dishes, wash the baby and get her to bed before 8 pm.  After she goes down then I complete any other chores that can't be put off and/or hang out with the hubby.  

I'll log my calories throughout today and start posting them again tomorrow.

Wednesday - October 5, 2011

I am 3 months into new motherhood and its fabulous.  My child refuses to sleep during the day (she is anti-nap) but she does sleep pretty well at night.  Even with her awesome nighttime sleeping skills I still find myself insanely tired which, of course, leaves me pointing fingers at my post-pregnancy trucker food diet.  I have a bit of an ice cream, snack cakes, soft drink, candy you know everything-I-couldn't-eat-with-gestational-diabetes kind of addiction going on.  It’s really a slippery slope for me as I consider myself a complete sugar addict.  If I can get the white stuff out of my diet I believe I would be an all-around better and happier person.  Getting sugar out of my diet is a long-term goal but I'm focused on my short-term goal at the moment, which is finding balance between motherhood, full-time work, healthy eating along with exercise and completely losing all of my baby weight.  I'm only 6 lbs away!!

One thing I feel I am one definitely doing right is breastfeeding.   I do not believe that you are killing your child by not breastfeeding, as I know PLENTY of perfectly healthy formula-fed children.  But I am still extremely proud of my choice and ability to exactly what my body is designed to do.  I stick my chest out like a peacock when people ask what kind of formula I use and I tell them "none, we are a breastfeeding family."  Anyhow one of the benefits, for mom, is that breastfeeding burns an obnoxious amount of calories.  Which also plants the idea in mom's head that she can eat whatever she wants and still lose weight.  So I bought into all that crap and ate like a trucker while I was watching the numbers wind down on my scale and now I'm at a plateau. I'm watching my weight fluctuate between a loss and a gain.  Apparently I've used up all my breastfeeding weight loss voodoo and its time to work on the diet...oh and I should probably exercise too.  Unfortunately rocking my baby and staring at her little sleeping face doesn't burn enough calories to cancel out all the junk food that I've been snacking on.  My final pregnancy weight was 159, my current weight is 130.8 and fluctuates between 129-132…mostly on the 132 side.  My goal is **106-100lbs. All that being said, I decided to give Weight Watchers Online a try.  I was drawn to their plan because it offers support for breastfeeding mothers, while other sites do not.  Losing baby weight is tricky as a breastfeeding mom because it can affect your supply.  I've been told that I need to keep an extra 6-10 lbs while I'm feeding. And every book/web site I've read says the same thing but what if I already had 20 I needed/wanted to lose?  Do I keep those too?  I'm not planning on it.  Another breastfeeding friend of mine has been following the Weight Watchers plan with any negative effects to her milk supply so it sounded perfect.  Weight Watchers accounts for the extra calories that I need to consume when they calculate my points.  That being said I get an OBNOXIOUS amount of points everyday.  I've only been on it for a week and haven't seen a consistent weight loss number yet.  I weigh myself on Monday (have to keep myself in check all weekend) and I log my food everyday.  So far I've managed to blow my points on quite a few days by eating like a trucker.  As I say I am and will always be a work in progress.  My goal for this week is to make a menu for the week and actually start planning.  So what's momma eating this week?  I don't know because I haven't bothered to plan anything out.  I just eat when I'm hungry and that's obviously not going to work.    


**Remember I am less than 5 feet tall so this is healthy for me…feel free to plug my numbers into any BMI calculator online that you can find.  I'm 4'10" and 32 years old. 117-86lbs (depending on which calculator you are using) is considered healthy for me…I'm aiming to be in the middle of that range.  

Friday, July 29, 2011

I'm officially a mom...a breastfeeding mom at that. My daughter, it still feels so weird to say that, is officially a month old today. I still have trouble believing its already been a whole month. She's absolutely the most precious person I've ever met. So back to the subject matter of this blog..what have I been eating? EVERYTHING that I should not. Cokes, root beer, sweet tea, candy, ice cream, anything sweet I can get my hands on. It's really pathetic. The final total on my pregnancy weight gain was 35lbs on top of 20 that I already need to lose. My first goal is drop the 35 lbs of baby weight and then work on the other 20. I'm already down 22 lbs thanks to breastfeeding. Starting this week, now that it's been a month, I have to focus on the next 13 lbs so I can get back into my old work clothes. I've accepted that my tops are probably not going to fit considering how large my breastfeeding equipment is so I've bought a few tops in a larger size recently. Tops are fine and the size of my breastfeeding equipment is fine but buying new 'fat' pants is not acceptable. That's what I'm trying to fit back into, my old 'fat' clothes. This will also be the week I start exercising again. I ended up having a cesarian delivery so I've been waiting for my body to heal enough so that exercising isn't more uncomfortable than it usually is when you start a new routine. I sincerely miss running and I haven't been allowed to running since last October when I found out I was pregnant. It was a precautionary measure since my first pregnancy didn't work out very well. I'm very much looking forward to pounding the pavement again. I love the way it helps me clear my head. Anyhow, I'll post as I can but as anyone with a newborn can tell you, time is awfully precious these days. Truth be told my posts will be sporadic until I return to work. I'll be spending the remainder of my maternity leave rocking ms snuggling with my sweet baby girl. I'm sadly all too well aware that I'll never get these days with her back.

Boredom

Almost everyone I know who is on a diet, attempting to diet, wanting to diet, etc becomes bored with their meals.  Boredom makes it so much easier to justify making bad nutritional choices and if you haven't noticed I'm a master of that mentality.  That's why mu hubby requested that I introduce a few new recipes a month so we don't become so bored with eating the same things week after week.  We've been together 8 years (married 2) this summer and when I think about all the times I've made our "staple meals" week after week its extremely easy to see how and where the boredom started. 

When I met my hubby I was 24 and could barely cook.  I didn't understand what flavors went together, why they were good together even really the concept of "good food."  At that point I was eating just because I was hungry without considering nutritional value or flavor quality.  Of course at my first real job right out of college I went up 2 pants sizes...talk about embarrassing.  Well I held onto those 2 pant sizes until I got pregnant.  Now I'm definitely above those 2 pants sizes and desperately wanting to go back to them as quickly as possible..that's goal #1.  Goal #2 is to eliminate those 2 pant sizes and get back to what I consider my "happy weight."  I'll consider myself at my "happy weight" when I'm not embaressed to wear shorts or just above the knee skirts and dresses out in public.  

Anyhow, I say all that to say that learning to cook for yourself is extremely important.  Everytime I hear anyone, male or female, announce proudly that they don't cook, it makes me very ill for them.  I turn into one of those ranting know-it-alls who lectures the youngin's on the value of cooking, and cleaning - this rant is for another day, for yourself.  Do yourself a favor and spend 5 minutes researching new recipes with flavors that you're curious about.  You have no one else to blame if you are bored with your diet...you have full control over everything you put into your body.  With millions of web sites, cooking blogs, cook books, magazines, tv shows, podcasts (you see where I'm going) there's no excuse not to feel free to experiment!  If you are using a small budget as your excuse then you should take some time to evaluate how much money are you spending on the foods that you don't enjoy and reallocate that money for foods that you do.  My opinion, if you enjoy it and it has nutritional value then its a much better investment since you won't be throwing food, or money away.  Just be reasonable and stay within your grocery budget.  

Some of my favorites:
www.foodnetwork.com
www.allrecipes.com
www.onceamonthmom.com
www.realsimple.com
www.tasteofhome.com

Monday, June 20, 2011 - last days of pregnancy

Truth be told I am sick to death of the diet that I'm eating and with some meals I do fine and others I do not.  Today I was a little over my allotted 2,000 calories and could have remedied that with a walk after work.  Fortunately/unfortunately the nap that I desperately needed won and I slept on the couch for a while before cooking dinner.  I only say unfortunately because I could have really used the exercise.  Anyhow, the day's breakfast was deplorable (remember what I said about not letting yourself get too hungry). I also skipped my morning snack, which I do quite often when I eat breakfast late.  I planned my afternoon snack badly and forgot my cheese stick so all I had was the ice cream. Today, Tuesday, I have my little red lunch bag packed and I'm ready!

Sunday, June 19, 2011 - the final pregnancy days

I'll finally meet my girl at the end of this week...SO EXCITED!!  I spent Saturday cooking a few freezer meals to so we won't starve for the first week or so.  I made 2 meatloafs, spaghetti sauce 4 bags, meatballs to go with the spaghetti sauce, and a chicken dish that we'll probably eat for supper tonight.   My husband and I suck at eating leftovers so its my goal with pretty much every meal produce as little food as possible.  Sometimes I'll leave 1 or 2 portions for lunch the next day depending on the meal.  That being said when I engage in freezer cooking I bag everything into single meal (single meaning enough for both hubby and me) portions. My sister shared this web site with me and its become my new obsession.  www.onceamonthmom.com  I don't subscribe to a particular meal plan.  I basically just read all of the recipes and save/print the ones that I think hubby and I will enjoy.  Like everyone else, we have our staples that we eat every week but I like to throw in a new recipe a few times a month.  This week I cooked a recipe that was clipped from Taste of Home Magazine.  Certainly not the healthiest meal I've made but it was pretty tasty and oddly enough didn't effect my blood sugar at all.

http://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/RWOP-Finalist--Joy-Bundles-and-Rice

Yesterday's calorie count:
Breakfast notes: My morning coffee (very carefully measured - 2 tbsp of half and half, 3 tsp sugar..I don't use artificial sweetners anymore watch "Sweet Misery" on hulu and you'll question it yourself).  I drink it every morning and it RARELY effects my blood sugar so I keep the carb count the way it is.
"Sweet Misery"   http://www.hulu.com/watch/162709/sweet-misery
warning its an hour and half long so be sure you have time to watch it. 

Lunch notes: Hubby cooked Ruben sandwiches Butter - eek! side note: everything my husband cooks includes butter and I just try not to look to see how much he uses.  He's 6'2" and 180 lbs soaking wet with incredible metabolism, I so hope my daughter gets this in the genetic lottery, so gargantuan amounts of butter don't concern/effect his thigh quite the way they do mine.

Dinner notes: Joy Bundles Recipe with Rice link posted above.  Livestrong.com gives you the option to key in an entire recipe and then tell the counter how much of the recipe you ate.  Its one of their best features.  :)

Random note:  My calorie count according to the diabetic counselor is supposed to around 2,000 a day.  Livestrong won't let me key this in manually so it insists that I am well over my calorie count and that's not actually the case. 

Favorite Foods - LONG POST

As you can read in previous postings I have gestational diabetes which really just means that I'm diabetic in this pregnancy.  I can tell you after months of my assigned diet, sticking my fingers 4 times a day, and tracking my blood sugar obsessively that this isn't the life I want.  Losing the baby weight, and the other 20 lbs) is pretty high on my priority list.  That being said I'll probably stick to a hybrid of the diet I was assigned to help get this weight off.  Just as a reminder, the plan consists of 3 meals and 3 snacks per day.  The combination of foods that are eaten during those times are the key to making it work.  It goes like this breakfast (meal), morning snack, lunch (meal), afternoon snack, dinner (meal), bedtime snack.  Most diabetics do not eat a bedtime snack but gestational diabetics do.  My favorite food combinations are:

Breakfast: (2 oz meat, 2 carbs - NO FRUIT)

• 1 egg, 2 slices of sugar free toast with butter and a reasonable amount of jelly
• 1 thin bagel with ham (1 oz) and cheese (1 oz)
• 1 mozzarella cheese stick (1 oz) with ham (1oz) wrapped around it for my meat and my carb is Dannon Greek Yogurt (Vanilla) with 1/8 c. of my favorite granola

• Fast Food Faves: 
•   McDonald's Egg McMuffin..not the best choice but its lower in carbs than the other options I would prefer to eat.  

Lunch: (3 oz meat, 2 carbs)

• Ham sandwich - 2 slices sugar free bread, reasonable amount of lite mayo, ham (2oz), slice of cheese (1oz), and pickles.  I eat cut up carrots and cucumbers as a side as they are considered a "free" item.
• Carefully measured leftovers from dinner
• Cottage cheese (3 oz) with 30 grapes (equals 2 carbs)
• Garden Salads of any sort, no croutons and beware of creamy dressings, added fruits (those are carbs) and any fried meat (breading = carb) thrown on top.  

• Fast Food Faves: 
• Wendy's Ceaser Salad, small chicken nuggets with bbq sauce (this is a little indulgent in the carb department so I don't eat it often). 

• Restaurant Faves: 
• The Grill's Black and Blue Salad, minus the blue (not a fan) with wine and cheese dressing.  I never use a full serving of dressing because its a creamy dressing and that equals extra carbs.  
• Zaxby's Chicken Zalad - opt for the grilled chicken and avoid the huge chunk of texas toast and the croutons.  
• Veggies plates and carefully calculated blue plate specials from various local sources..just watch all the extra salt and fat added to them 

 * notice the trend with all the salads when eating out...its really the only way I can eat out with such strict limitations on my carb consumption.

Dinner: (3 oz meat, 3 carbs)

• Chicken stir-fry that we make at home
• Caprese Salad with 2 oz of spaghetti and my homemade spaghetti sauce
• Homemade BLTs with ham, sugar-free bread and lite mayo
• Various baked chicken dishes with a veggie and rice, potatoes, fruit, whatever carb I have on hand.   A personal fave is half of a chicken breast pounded out flat and rolled up with a slice of ham and swiss cheese.  
• An artichoke stuffed pork tenderloin recipe that I found on http://diabeticgourmet.com/ with a veggie and a carb side.  
• Any of the fast food or restaurant faves

Daytime Snacks: (1 oz meat, 2 carbs)

• 1 mozzarella cheese stick and yogurt with granola
• 1 tbsp peanut butter with 1 apple
• 1 tbsp peanut butter with 1 banana
• 1 mozzarella stick and a plain vanilla ice cream cone from Sonic ** discovered this in the last few weeks.  The web site claims that the plain vanilla ice cream cone only has 30 carbs!! 
• 1 mozzarella stick and a granola bar
• 0.25 c. cottage cheese with 30 grapes or 1 c. strawberries
• mozzarella stick and fruit of choice
• sliced cheddar and 30 g worth of crackers or fruit of choice

*Guess which item I'm not going to be eating a lot of anymore.  The mozzarella cheese sticks will go on my "I Just Can't Eat Them Anymore List" next to Ramen Noodles, Hamburger Helper, and Easy Mac that I abandoned after college.  Hopefully they won't be there permanently but for right now the thought of another cheese stick kind of makes me gag. 

Bedtime Snack (2 carbs - NO FRUIT)

• 8 oz milk and a granola bar
• 8 oz milk and 6 vanilla wafers
• Dannon Greek Vanilla yogurt with 1/8 c. of granola 

My biggest lessons from this diet plan:

• Small portions are really all you need - Your stomach really is only as big as your fist and you don't need to overfill it to be satisfied.  If a pregnant lady can curb her eating then I'm convinced anyone can.  
• Do not let yourself get too hungry because you WILL make a bad nutritional choice and that's not good for you or your child or anyone for that matter.
• Motherhood means sacrifice and you'll do anything to ensure that your child is healthy..including giving up a life-long sugar addiction.  
• Sugar and fatty foods are a luxury not a need.  You're body doesn't NEED any of that stuff to survive, even though your brain will attempt to convince you otherwise.
• Going for a walk after a bad nutritional choice will always make you feel better and can even drop your blood sugar up to 30 points.  Just do yourself a favor and walk at least 30 minutes a day and you'll always feel better even if your blood sugar isn't out of whack. 

Foods I'm really looking forward to eating again..in moderation of course ;)

• CEREAL!!  I've missed it so much
• FRUIT!!
• Dessert of any sort..I have a ferocious craving for a double stuffed oreo blast from sonic.
• Half and half sweet tea
• Pretty much anything that is guaranteed to help me retain the weight I need to lose after baby.  I'm planning to eat my favorite foods again in moderation and am really just looking forward to the satisfaction of knowing that  I can have them whenever I want them again.